About Grief, Pt 1

I thought of my mom’s death a lot this week.

I think of her pretty much every day, but this past week I was specifically reminded of my grieving process for her.

The mother of my husband’s good friend passed away recently. And when I had heard how she passed and the suddenness of it, my heart and chest- quite literally- ached for the friend. And aching for the friend triggered the memory of my own pains of when I lost my mom unexpectedly.

About two weeks after my mom passed, I had strong chest pains, and tightness in my left chest. I thought I was having heart issues. Is this what a heart attack feels like?

I went to my doctor who then recommended I get an EKG done to check the physical condition of my heart.

As I lay on the cold sterile bed at the hospital, with small electrodes stuck to my chest, I heard the thumping of my heart so loudly and clearly. The beating sounded like it could thrust itself out of my body at any moment.

“Your heart is as healthy as it can be!” Exclaimed the doctor with her cheery voice. “It’s doing really well, and it’s very strong.”

Thankfully, there was nothing wrong with my heart. The doctor then explained how I was most likely experiencing ‘broken heart syndrome.’

It occurs when a person experiences acute stress, and the pains are temporary. I had never heard of this before. But it made sense that I was experiencing this.

The chest pains came about two weeks after my mom had passed. The shingles, that showed up on the right side of my face, came soon after.

I always knew that your physical and mental state were very much connected- and these experiences gave further proof that they did. My emotional and mental state were hurting. And that hurt permeated through my physical being, unleashing its physical pains.

This is just one aspect of grief. And through my mom’s death, I began to understand the full process of grieving— it’s not just a one-time thing, but a journey that looks different from person to person.

My husband’s friend is concerned that he hasn’t cried yet. It’s been more than a week since his mother had died. I tell him there’s no ‘normal’ way to grieve. But grief is necessary.

As explained in the book series on grief called “Journeying Through Grief” (which I gobbled up after getting these gifted back in 2016), the author explains how grief is a healthy way to cope with the loss. On the flip side, ignoring or avoiding grief “wont work” and it will “only make the grief last longer and possibly cause even more pain.”

Five years on, there are still moments of grief that I experience and go through- either mentally or physically. And I know now, trying to stop the pain will only make it worse. I let my body feel the aches, and I’ve allowed my heart to just be when it wants to grieve and yearn for my mom.